i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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