you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
