Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
