i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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