absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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