Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
