I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
