You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize