Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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