Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
