A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
FUCK WHALES
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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