God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Randomize
