went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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