this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
