i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
