Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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