Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
