I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
