There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
