i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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