OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize