Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
