then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
