and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
