You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
