i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
