i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize