whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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