the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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