he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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