Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
