3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
