Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
