random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
