Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
