why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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