nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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