god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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