Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
