i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize