Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
