ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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