Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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