oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
