Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize