Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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