I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize