she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
