it hurts more in the daytime
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
