Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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