I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
