I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
