You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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