Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I puked a lego.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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