new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
