Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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