He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
