woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
