my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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