she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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