some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they're like a gay fantastic four
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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