if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
