the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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