I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
