I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
