If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
