i permit you to call me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
