When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
