so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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