I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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