it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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