That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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