One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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