She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
