when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
