i would punch a child for taco bell
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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