If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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