Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
