wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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