You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
