Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I could make wine with my vomit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
