she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
