Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
