last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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