Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
