No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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