I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
