Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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