I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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