There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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