She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thus making me awesome and them whores
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
