Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
