Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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