You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
