I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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