Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
