Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Couch. On fire.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
