I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need help removing her.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
