You can't motorboat a personality
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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