There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
