Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
