and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drunk is not a location!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
