im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no, he came in my armpit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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