Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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