Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
