I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
