dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
