As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
