so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
