i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
