Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
