She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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