Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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