I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
